Monday, March 23, 2009

CryENGINE 3 Impressions

Hello there, prized internet gaming enthusiast demographic. I’m here, once again, with glad tidings of video gaming news and cheer.Today we got our first look at Crytek's new CryENGINE 3. How was it? Well, to be frank, it was pretty fucking badass. I mean, look at that shit.

Good luck running that on your 100$ laptops, African children

I mean, seriously. Look at it. It makes my eye balls want to escape from my skull and jump, gleefully, into the CryENGINE 3 pool of polygonal Valhalla. It looks fucking fantastic. Fuck that – it looks fucktastic. Usually, I judge video game graphics by my own patented method of “squint until it looks real” (S.U.I.L.R), but with the video above, I hardly have to squint at all. In fact, I think it looks so real that a person living in a CryENGINE 3 world would have to squint his fucking eyes while looking at our real universe just so it would match his own world’s visual fidelity. That shit is fucking bananas.

Pictured: What real life is compared to the CryENGINE 3

You remember how crazy the concept of a virtual reality world where people couldn’t tell the difference between reality and simulation was back when the Matrix was released? Well, if our graphical capabilities keep increasing at the rate that they are now, people who are released from the Matrix in the future will be begging to get back in.

Welcome to the real world, Neo.

What’s even crazier is that it is conceivable that in ten years video games may make a leap as significant as the PS1 to what the CryENGINE 3 is now. If you have even a small interest in video games then that should appeal to you. Future based simulations may advance to the point that you will be able to go on vacation without even leaving your goddamn house. And all that may be available as soon as Obama has completed his second term.

Once again, my dear friends, our epic adventure in madness has brought us to the end of this post. Since I want to leave you with something more than a nice pat on the ass and reassuring “ya’ll come back now, ya hear”, I’ve decided to post graphical comparisons of games that have come out through the last 30 years.














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